Monday, July 1, 2013

thoughts on missing the baby stage

There are all different types of moms.  Moms that LOVE the baby stage, the toddler stage, the kid stage, and I've even heard the teenage stage is wonderful although I'm terrified of it.  There are moms that love being pregnant and moms that hate it and I know that so much of this has to do with experience.  Some of my friends have the unfortunate situation of being so sick their entire pregnancy that it's hard to celebrate.  I had many food aversions and felt yucky the first trimester but all in all, I loved being pregnant.  

While I've loved every stage so far and wouldn't make Jonathan a baby again, a part of me misses those days.  My favorite moment is when J heard my voice and looked at me for the fist time.  Pure bliss.  It's an amazing connection right out of the gate... I miss snuggling with him and holding him close for hours on end.  My heart literally aches to have him all bundled up on my chest.  My arms feel empty because I want to hold him all day long.  


My JJ is seriously the sweetest boy ever.  He has an amazing heart, tells me "I love you" all of the time, loves to get kisses for his booboos, has more energy and life than I knew possible, loves to give kisses (tiss!!) and hugs, and is the happiest person I know (or maybe tied with Matt).  


And while I would never trade this wonderful bundle of personality for anything, oh how I long to hold a baby in my arms.  Maybe that's why I rock him extra long at night, sing as many rounds of "moon moon" as I can, give him as many kisses as he'll let me, and cuddle as much as possible.  

And as this has been spinning around in my head for awhile, I read this post by The Tiny Twig and it resonated so deep in my soul.  I'm a creator.  I love the creation of a new life and discovering that life.  I love the anticipation and meeting a new person.  And I'm reminded that this discovery process is just beginning.  I have an entire lifetime left of discovering who my boy is and loving the socks off of him.  I'm pretty darn excited about that.  
ellie

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